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Version 7 (modified by Michele Selvaggi, 11 years ago) ( diff )

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Language

PAGE 1

Abstract

Line 4: ”hadronic calorimeter” ! ”hadron calorimeter”. The authors are invited to look for all instances of ”hadronic calorimeter” and modify ac- cordingly. [This comment is not repeated for other occurrences.]

addressed

Line 5: ”allows to produce collections” is not proper english. Replace either by ”allows the easy production of collections” or ”allows collections to be easily produced”. The authors are invited to look for all instances of the verb ”to allow” in the text, as it most often incorrectly used throughout. [This comment is not going to be repeated for the other sections.]

addressed when needed. It is however correct to say:

"allows the user to store collections ..", see http://sentence.yourdictionary.com/allow

Line 5: The word ”collections” appears out of context here, and carries no meaning to the casual reader.

changed to "physics objects"

PAGE 2

Introduction

Second paragraph:

L3: ”parametrisation” has the wrong spelling. How about using ”param- eterization”, which is the proper word. The authors are invited to look for all instances of ”parametris...” in the text, as this comment is not going to be repeated for the other sections.

addressed

Third paragraph:

L1: A sentence must not start with an acronym (here ”DELPHES”). The authors are invited to look for all instances of DELPHES, and rephrase when at a start of a sentence.

DELPHES is neither an acronym nor an abbreviation; it is therefore fine to start a sentence with it.

L1: No hyphen between ”data” and ”format”. Actually, ”data-format” can be dropped altogether without losing information.

addressed, "data-format"

L4: ”final observables” of photons and leptons is jargon, and carries lit- tle meaning to the casual reader. The authors probably mean ”measured energy” ?

addressed

L5: ”the relevant sub-detectors” is also very much unclear. How about simply ”the detector resolution”

addressed

L6: ”High-level reconstructed quantities such as” carries little meaning to the casual reader. The sentence would read better without it.

addressed

L7: Why are ”calorimeter deposits” qualified as ”simple” ? Suggest to drop it. Why is the ”particle-flow algorithm” qualified as ”so-called” ? Sug- gest to drop it.

changed, not relevant anymore.

Fourth paragraph:

L4: ”b” and all particle names ought to be written in roman style. (True for the whole paper.) No hyphen between ”tau” and ”tagging”.

not sure what "roman style means". Hyphen removed.

Fifth paragraph:

L2: ”will be described/given” ! ”is described/given in Sections xxx” (two occurrences). The authors are invited to look for all instances of ”will”, and replace it by the present tense in most cases.

addressed

Section 2

L3: I am not sure of ”symmetric along the beam axis”, especially the word ”along”. How about ”with a cylindrical symmetry around the beam axis” ?

addressed

Section 2.1

L2: What is the meaning of ”The magnetic field is applied” ? Applied to what ? Maybe the authors want to say ”is assumed to be localized” ?

addressed

PAGE 3

L2: The magnetic field is not ”solenoidal”, it is ”axial” (because it is pro- duced by a solenoid).

Par 2: L1: What is the meaning of ”(good)” ? Maybe the authors want to say ”in general high” ? ”Seen” ! ”reconstructed”

addressed

L2: ”which provide a direct measurement of their momentum”: I am not sure of what ”provide(s)” this measurement in this sentence. How about starting a new sentence indicated that the measured curvature to the recon- structed trajectory and the magnetic field intensity allow the momentum to be measured.

addressed

L3: ”The angular resolution is assumed excellent” ! ”A perfect angular resolution is assumed”

addressed

Section 2.2

Par 1:

L3: ”strongly interacting particles” ! ”long-lived charged and neutral hadrons”

addressed

Par 2:

L5: ”calorimeter object” is an undefined concept here. How about ”calorime- ter energy deposit (later called hit)” ? ”center” should be ”centre” (unless the au- thors decide to write in american english).

addressed

PAGE 4

Section 2.3

Par 1:

L3: ”several collaborations” : Ref. [3] points to the CMS Collaboration. What are the other(s) ?

addressed, added reference to energy-flow at LEP

L3: ”intrinsically” has little meaning here. Suggest to drop.

addressed

Par 2:

L1: ”higher” should be ”better”

addressed

PAGE 5

Section 2.3

Last paragraph, L1 : ”consists in” should be ”consists of”

addressed

PAGE 6

Section 3.1.3

L1: Why is ”isolated” in italics ? ”surrounding” should be ”surroundings”, or better, ”vicinity”

addressed

L2: Starting a sentence with ”Requiring” (or any verb in ”ing”) is bad English, as there is nobody in the sentence to do the action of ”requiring”. The authors are inviting to look for all instances of the ”... ing” form, and check if there is somebody or something in the sentence to do the action of ”...ing” (and otherwise fix the sentence).

addressed

PAGE 7

Section 3.2.2

Title : no hyphen between ”tau” and ”jets”

addressed

L1: ”Identifying” is bad. ”tau-lepton” should be ”tau”. ”flavor” should be ”flavour”.

addressed

L2: No hyphen between ”c” and ”quarks”. ”Crucial” should be ”important”. ”experiment” should be ”experiments”

addressed

PAGE 8

Section 3.2.2

Par 2:

L3: It is not clear what ”parton” refers to in the Delta R formula. Maybe the authors want to replace it by ”b, tau” ?

addressed

L6: ”is wrongly” should be ”be wrongly” (subjunctive is in order here).

addressed

Section 3.3

L(N-1) : ”particle-flow candidates” is an undefined concept at this level.

addressed

PAGE 10

Par 2:

L1: ”residual” should be ”neutral”

addressed

L3: ”automatically” : it is not clear what the meaning of ”automatically”.

addressed

PAGE 15

Section 7.1

Par 1:

L1 : ”High Energy” should be ”high energy”; What is the meaning of ”most common” ? How about ”most copious” ?

addressed

L4: ”two jets originating from one b quark” is possible, but is probably not what the authors want to say.

addressed

L6: ”the hadronic top-mass”

  • is jargon,
  • has one hyphen too many.

How about ”the mass of the hadronically-decaying top quark” ? ”We will reconstruct” is bad too.

addressed

Par 2:

L1: ”center” should be ”centre”

addressed

L5: I am not sure that the ”DELPHESANALYSIS” package is relevant for the clarity of the paper.

addressed

PAGE 16

Par 1:

L4: ”b-tagged” is jargon. ”tagged as originating from the hadronization of a b quark” would be better.

addressed

L5: ”criteria” should be ”criterion”.

addressed

L8: While I have no doubt that the signal selection is sensible, I guess that the authors want to say ”sensitive”.

addressed

L9: Drop ”slight”.

addressed

L10: ”efficiencies value” should be ”efficiency”

addressed

PAGE 17

Figure 7, 8, ... : ”ref.” should be ”Ref.”

addressed

Section 7.2

L1: ”Searching the Higgs particle produced via VBF, and decaying to a bbbar pair” is the climax of improper use of English.

  • ”Searching” is bad because there is nobody to do the action of searching in the sentence.
  • The correct use of ”to search” is ”to search for”.
  • ”decaying” is bad, because the readers thinks that it applies to the same missing person that does the action of ”searching [for]”, and that later ”decays”.

I would like to re-iterate the suggestion to ask a native English speaker to read and fix the paper throughout.

addressed

PAGE 19

Par 2

L1: ”figure 10” should be ”Fig. 10”

jhep manual says abbreviation on "figure" should be avoided.

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